I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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