Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
