One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
