Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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