wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
