You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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