it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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