Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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