I must be too annoying 4 u.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
