I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
