So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
