and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
