i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
