If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
