Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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