you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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