just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
