Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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