He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
