You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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