Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
