But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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