I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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