Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
