Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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