remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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