evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
