So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
