I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
