I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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