one two three fourrrrnication!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
