so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize