im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
