My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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