It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
