I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
