i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
