thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
