Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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