so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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