I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
