What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
