I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize