Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize