Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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