I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
