one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
