No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
