sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
