this beer tastes like vomit already
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
