thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
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I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it's like iHOP with fire
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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