Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
