can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize