No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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