Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
