brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
accomplished twins. life is a go
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
