Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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