I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
