She's JV to your varsity
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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