apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
