The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
